格桑花

Long time no blogging...the terrible job took all of my energy and thoughts away~but Qiuhan once said, never let life rules your life...she’s so right~

It’s officially been a year since we knew each other, so my boy got his dream cookbook "French Laundry" as a birthday gift, and I got flowers and a ’dream’ bear as the "happy-anniversary" gift...but what I missed was a big family gathering and a happy thanksgiving dinner on the other side of the world...instead, I got to meet up with an old friend for lunch, a simple one-hour lunch, and we even didn’t catch up a lot...time flew, time changed everything...

For the past week, my nights turned to be really relaxing without the stress from my applications, but my work, oh god, it’s a nightmare now...two people quitted last Friday, and there’s only me in the office to be tortured by two monsters...what am I gonna do? The good news is that I finally heard back from the headhunter, which means I still have chance to end up switching to another firm...I should "grab my spoon"...

I went to the Lama Temple on Saturday, and ran into a really good day from the lunar calendar, 15th...please bless me~applications need to be all done by accomplishing the last step...mood needs to be reset...actually January is coming really soon...and I’ll see my cute boy very very soon~

After stating all the depressing facts that have been bothering me over this weekend, I realize they are just small things, and I should be strong enough to handle them, having been through all the hard time...so, yeah, that’s it~I’m going to face the facts and take whatever to chanllege myself, because I know, I will make it~

Next year, I think I’ll be able to spend the nice holiday with Dan’s family, and I’ll give much more thanks than this year, although I was so gratful this year already...

11月末，北京的冬依旧有些缩头缩脑，每日中午还是白色的艳阳，夹杂着灰尘，噪音，车流，人潮，著名的CBD也是著名地乱，我绝不能陶醉于此，心中生生念着的，是那个节日，是那些朋友，仿佛我也乘DHL而去，经SF, NYC,转Ohio，到达Pittsburgh...

全不见天日的办公室，事情越积越多，是我事前无法预料的，不曾想过一个快速的决定让我如今又要为接下来的几个月另谋出路，而小小伤脑筋，不想淌浑水，可是一直期盼的消息却总也没有来，也许浑水还得没脚踝。。。

周六老师就已经说信写好了，可是如今看来也并无望在节前转到我希望的朋友手中，等过了节，everything would be tighten up...可是有些事我终究无法控制～

清晨地铁，心中念想的是一封饱含爱意的邮件，等接到一封转寄的dirty email，我一猜便知，想发生的并未发生。。。

原本以为材料完成，快件寄出，是可以好好轻松的时候了，心却一直放不下来，自然是有放不下的理由，我从不知，自己也是这么爱着急的人。。。

于是大小需要操心的事情，再带着些许失望，脑子又要罢工，想昏昏睡去，忘却凡尘～

无论如何，请一定，保佑我。。。因为本科毕业后的5年岁月打磨，我已经变得坚强，也变得耐心，我只是希望我希望的，也许下一刻就会发生，这种执念我永远也，不会变～请～保佑我～

8月的16日，我在Pitt的山顶吃下在美国两年来最浪漫的一顿大餐，全场几百张白人面孔，而我全无所谓。Downtown的星光点点，山顶夏风习习，越是这样，越是不舍。。。回到家称行李满头大汗到2点，睡了不足3小时，起床洗澡，收拾，send“love adventure”email...然后最不舍得的人给我打了电话来送我去机场，再choke一次，再牵一次手，再拥抱一次，再kiss一次，然后我排在安检的最后一个，誓不回头，眼泪就在眼里打转。。。因为，下次见面不知是何年，更何况，long distance，我是绝对的新人啊～去往芝加哥途中的三万英尺高空，我的泪终于不断线。。。之后东京、北京，我就这么回了国，8月18日。。。绝好的日子～于我，心里却有一些对未来的忐忑。。。

之后一通忙乱，总算是住下来，有了工作，开始了准备申请材料的漫漫长路，每天它都是我心里最沉甸的一块石头，压力的同时，也有对未来幸福的期许，所以无论多么繁琐，无论多么辛苦，我都会努力，无怨言，会早上6点爬起来查邮件，也会写长长的信给老师，还会因为某一次拒绝，或者某一个肯定的答复心情起伏。。。有一天，选择了11月17日作为自己的deadline，前两天看到竟然是初八这样的好日子，I’m blessed～仿佛游戏通关，虽然这些事情3年前自己一样做过，可是如今我也许更认真，更慎重，所以仿佛更辛苦，事业的动力也好，爱情的力量也罢，一件一件做下来，总之全心投入的感觉其实我很喜欢～bumps after bumps，终于如愿准时叫来DHL取走我精心准备的大信封们, 决心从此开始在这个城市感受东方文明，等待着1月首都机场的重逢～是的，不知是何年终于在某一天的邮件中变成了一月的某一天，期待是自然。。。

今天，11月的18日，猛然意识到是自己回国整整3个月的日子，accomplished a big step, which is quite good~Heinz的学费当然没白交～

去年的感恩节，和朋友们的跨年旅行仿佛就在昨天，可是过去的这3个月仿佛比那一年还久远。。。妈妈说，是因为我做了很多事情～我说，是牵挂被拉扯得长长远远～3个月里，见到爷爷，也送走了爷爷，和他老人家有了最后一张珍贵的合影。。。

再3个月又3个月，我是不是手里握着我想要的那封信和那个小戳，真的和自己心爱的人坐上飞往成都的客机，还是期待～

Last night I finally called DHL to pick up my packages after a long hectic day working on my applications, highly concentrating...the feeling was...exhausted~not much excited as I had imagined before~the guy charged me a lot for mailing the scarf for Daniel’s mom, well, I had promised, so it’s impossible to cancel mailing it, and I just paid the mailing fee and made the scarf turn to be a really expensive one~so--- I’m DONE!!! The second time, and probably the last time...better than the previous one from my point of view, I got more experiences, research related, master degree from a top graduate school, much stronger letters of recommendation, although my GRE looked so so, and my mediocre GPA actually helped tell a good story:) I got some strong people to fix my PS, even the professor, although he’s kinda late and I was not able to see his red words...all are blessings and good signs~so my point is that I should be confident, should be!

After that, I talked with mom, and chatted on MSN with my boy...and today I got a phone call from an old friend, skyped Yichin to comfort her~it’s really a relaxing day for me, catching up with my favorite shows...like weiwei suggested, I’m going to enjoy the city from now on!

This is a bad entry, I know, I so know about it...but I’m just trying to mark it in case that someday I want to track the great relieving moment and all the efforts I’ve been making since I came back to the city, completely three months~to mark~Thank God, I’m DONE~~~and I’m looking forward to some good news pretty soon next year~

It’s a fun lunch meeting with the previous office manager, actually we gals decided to transfer pretty soon~we all cannot bear the chief anymore, I guess~

I’m finalizing my applications this week, so I guess it’s a perfect timing for me to get myself a better working environment plus getting more money~how great that sounds~

Special acknowledgement goes to my sweet on my way of pursuing happiness, ok, our happiness~

Keep the momentum!!!

My baby invited my best friend and her husband to share this Thanksgiving at his parents’ house...the thought was just so nice~I mean, from his mom, who pushed him to send out the invitations~it’s always sweet to think about last Thanksgiving, the first time we started sharing life...I never thought things could go so smoothly that one year later we’ve had a strong connection and are determined to be with each other...

I got to read about my thoughts, struggles, cheerful moments, friendship, love, whatever over the past year, from last Thanksgiving, to this Thanksgiving...one year is actually not long enough, but it did push me forward, which is super~

How super? Well, I promise I’ll be blogging on Thanksgiving...now? I really have to get the applications done~Add oil~~~

其实我的脑子现在有点象fried egg (according to my boy)，连续写了6个小时，终于是弄了篇拙作，扔给人家了～上帝保佑它不要太糟糕，毕竟我还是用了力的。这样的情形已经在上学的时候经历多次了，也不知道以后还有多少次。。。

之后脑子实在动不了，于是看了欣欣美女的大婚连播，《双城故事》非常感人，那是两人在法国的双城。。。我突然意识到现如今周围有太多的双城，短的大概是飞行一小时，从纽约到匹兹堡，长的是不是就是我这样的，需要转机，需要20到30个小时。。昨天Java也双城了，广州和渥太华，好在历时也不过3个月～有时候会觉得生活的可控，都说你想怎么样就怎么样，全在个人，但是生活也有太多的不可控，时不时一个偶然，也许和或好或坏的运气错过，生活就此不同。。。但我总还是相信，那些无论或好或坏的运气，都是上天的馈赠，始终要心怀感激～

周五收到大信封的激动有些消散，不过沉淀下来的是感情，他说our love is strong，简单的陈述，却有着坚定。其实我从未想过自己快28的时候还做着18岁小女孩的梦，会因为一些小小纸条而掉泪，大概女人到老都会是这样吧～既然是双城，那么就享受这种爱情的长长远远，享受这种绵长的牵挂吧～xx说的那句，请勇敢，请幸福，请铭记在心～

P.S.早上打开手机，看到的不光是11月11日，还有11点11分～是不是预示着自己的好运气呢[face17]

Ok, sorry, yesterday I was not efficient as I expected...but since today is the last day for my writing, I seem to have found more energy, which is quite good~my boy suggested that I get a nice cup of tea and type, so I did that...probably it worked because when I was typing, I felt like that I was telling my stories to the admission committee...I hope that’s what they expect to know~

My work sometimes hit me, but I told myself, that’s not my priority, and that’s not my focus, by all means I’ll put it off till the day I send my applications out...just like that~

Still good luck for everything~keep the momentum~~~[face42][face42][face42][face17][face17][face17]

It’s always great to have the heat at home, and finally I could ENJOY a weekend, not suffering from the cold~but still I’m suffering from my writing...

Just the beginning of the fresh weekend with the sunshine outside, I’ve enjoyed the view and I decided to work efficiently...one more week to go~then I’ll celerate ending up going to my favorite Lama Temple in this city~

Add oil~~~

I took this afternoon off...so I was able to enjoy the sunshine around noon...honestly it was so warm or even hot~I went to the grocery store to get some food for my weekend and I was planning to spend most of the time writing~there was I, holding a lot of bags with Korean rice, dumplings, special Chinese bread...I passed the lobby of my building and wanted to have my lunch in a second as I was really starving~as usual, I took a quick glance at the mail window of the security guard’s room, and my name just jumped into my eyes, which was on a big envelop...I’d never expect a mail to me, probably till next March when I could get the official offer from my dream city and the dream school...but at that moment, I was thrilled because I knew where it came from, but what I didn’t know was that what I would get inside of the envelop...quick enough, I entered my room and got to put the bags in the kitchen, and finally opened the envelop...of course first of all, I saw my favorite chewing gum...then a thank you card from Pat and Stacy, and then a wine glass charm from Adam and Ryan’s wedding...last but not the least, I got a cute card from my honey and a letter written by his heart, which eventually touched me to tear...the thought of that I was touching the stuff he’d touched hit me...desperately missing him as he said...

Well, this was the first heartwarming gift for the upcoming holiday season, and I guess I’m with some good luck...so let me work hard on our dreams...it should be able to come true...

I’m pushing myself again to the edge, like those days at Heinz, I could spend the sleepless nights finishing my budgeting writeup, my international politics papers, my database projects, whatever coming from the classes...school related, I’m working on my applications as I’ve been whining for three months~and time is up to get them all done...I decided to send them out next Sat.., which would be exactly the day that I’ve been physically in China for three months~~~time flies again~

Ok, my point for this entry is that I spent two hours this morning to write emails after I opened my gmail box in the office, some serious emails about my applications, I was happy to know that I’ve got some RL back, but I was also nervous my professor requested more information from me, and for the PS part, I’m still having a long way to go...and that’s the reason I quickly decided to take tomorrow’s afternoon off~life is always like an adventure, and part you cannot control so well, the only thing that you can do is to deal with the risks... although at the moment when you know the facts, you may be intimidated, somehow you would be smart enough to handle everything...that’s what I did this morning...the request from the prof was like a bump out of my control, but after I calmed down, I thought I could make it without a problem, and I’ll explain everything clearly to him, and I’ll send him all the information, and the most important thing is that under his pressure, I should be able to finish my ps very very soon~

Good luck, gal~

Oh, my boy would give me a surprise gift, unfortunately he doesn’t know Chinese at all, where when he ordered the gift, he was asked to input the Chinese...so as he said, his cover was blown...anyway it’s sweet that he keeps the important date in mind~

Yesterday D told me that he’s meeting with his PhD committee today for his thesis outline, soon enough I realized that the next May is actually soooooo close at the door, the most exciting day for all the hard-working PhD students (I literally know how hard they are working with so many PhD friends around)...and my dear is graduating as a PhD from a top school and is going to another top top school for his postdoc...that’s why on that day all of them could be so proud with caps and gowns, and so do their families...how many "five years" can people have during their lives, for those PhDs, they are brave and dedicated enough for what they pursue, as scientists, as social workers, when most people enjoy their own normal life or even much easier ones, meeting with friends, gathering for fun, and so on...I don’t know what the motivation is for those teenagers to choose such a life, a sort of tough life when they actually understand nothing and could absolutely turn to some easier life...having a regular job, getting some money to start a family, having kids...Human beings are interesting and complicated.

Anyway my boy seems to get ready for his graduation, and surely he’s been suffering and enjoying for 5 years, and he would do a fabulous job for his thesis and oral defense based on the fact that he’s so professional at presentation delivery and describing and explaining things clearly. Simply I’m proud of him~and I could foresee his happy May~

BTW, I’m kinda slow to make the decision of being dedicated to social work, but how late is too late:) Hope I can do a great job as well, someday!

I never thought that I’d go back to the way again...It’s like a huge headache, and I wish I could recover soon....gooooooooooooooooooooooooood lucccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccck~

I’m so happy that Meredith has been back in blogging. I’d addicted to her blog enjoying so much for the past few months before she went to tape Millionaire for two weeks and stopped updating...I couldn’t tell what’s wrong with me, but without reading her life stories everyday, I felt deely lost...and I even cannot keep up my blog here, and even had no feeling about writing...I must owe the lady a lot before according to the old Chinese saying...so it’s wonderful that she’s back sharing her life with millions of people again~the first story was about life AGAIN without fail, which was just so Meredith...I was quite touched by her conclusion "it’s amazing what a difference a year can make"...in retrospect, a year could always be both short and long, it passes in a eye blinking, but it could include so many stories, happy ones, sad ones, to make people suffer, grow up, reach another level, whatever...till Nov. 22nd, I would have been knowing my boy for one year, it does mean a lot for both of us, and we’ve been going so far away from where we started...

My heart turned to be soft again when I saw Aaron’s new pictures, which suddenly brought me back to the past two years with tons of sweet memories, and I just simply know I miss all of the friends and the old good time a lot~and It couldn’t be clearer to me that what kind of life I’m pursuing, and what kind of environment I’d like to immerse myself in...I hope this could be the strongest motivation for me to keep fighting for less than two weeks to solidly pave my way...blessing~~~ I know I could make it!!!

Recently I’ve been tearing too much, for the long distance cold fight, for my grandpa’s passing away, for life’s being so tough...for a lot of the other reasons that could hit people with the deeply depressing emotion...

It’s a quiet weekend again, and I’m trying to really be independent. This sounds awkward but it’s true that since I came back, I’ve been taken good care of by mom, and did nothing by myself~I’m repeating my bad habit again by being anxious but doing nothing as my set deadline about sending out applications is coming...I’d rather spend the time doing laundry, cooking, cleaning, or even watching shows, but I never picked up the paper to read or started writing...well, I did some work, but that’s just not enough...time is up, which I should always keep in mind...if I don’t work hard enough, then I might not be able to be rewarded by what I’ve been dreaming about...so that’s the cruel truth about life...life is always colorful for people who know what they want and how they could approach, while life is probably bitter for people who even don’t have ideas about their destinations...I do have the detailed plan in my mind now, so please do it, meanwhile, please smile...attitude is always everything~

I’m sure I’ll do a great job if I really throw my heart and energy into it, and I’ll keep the smile, as long as I could....

November is a complicated month for my emotion, dad’s birthday, Dan’s birthday, but grandma’s passing away anniversary, the holiday season...a lot of ups and downs...also I’ll make my big step this month, so far the weather has been good, and if I’m superstitious, I hope it’s a good sign foreshowing my success in the next gorgeous Spring~

Please smile[face17][face17][face17]

Finally yesterday mom sent me an email notifying that grandpa has gone to another world, being far away from us forever...well, probably we’ll meet again several years later, but at least for now, we are not going to have family gatherings anymore, we are not going to stop by his and grandma’s place anymore...life has been changed forever...

Work started to be intensive and my deadline for sending out the application packages is approaching...I’m missing my boy badly even we just had another fight, anyway that was not a real fight, and we are in a good shape now~

Xin keeps uploading her wedding pictures, sharing with people her happiest moments, I do feel touched for the love...

Have been watching all my favorite shows, to keep myself in the English environment, who knows how tough my life could be and meanwhile how strong I am...sure enough, my boy and I are going to make the long distance as we are both adventurers...God bless us!!!