格桑花

A couple of hours later, ahead of half day of my boy and my loved girls on the other side of the world, I’m closing my 2007 and starting my 2008, a totally new year that I’ve been waiting for long time, not only because that I will only have to count 12 days to see my love, but also because it should be the year that my dreams will come true...the dreams which would be essentially important in my life~I probably could gather all my strength to make myself a beautiful future~

People do things in every year, actually a lot of things as one year has 365 days to go...some are routine, some are unexpected, something nice, something awful, so when a year is going to end, I believe everyone has a mixed feeling about what has happened if they do look back...we appreciate, we regret, we make new year’s resolutions, and we simply hope the next year could be at least a little bit better than the past one...yeah, that’s what people do...and the strong will could support a poor farmer to scatter the seeds and expect a harvest in the next year, a working-hard student to go further along the academic path and look forward to some accomplishments, or a good boy/girl to find his/her beloved one, because basically we are human beings and cannot predict our future, which is a good thing that we can always hold our dreams~and work on the possibilities...

My 2007 is similar to the ones most people have, with joy and sorrow, smile and tears, regrets and hope...whatever, I appreciate all of them, because they made me grow up, sense the bigger part of the world, live in a larger network, give more and share more...it might be not so colorful as the others’ who really know how to live a life, but I can feel I’m on the way~I do not care about the age as long as I’m alive and can actively act~

At the point of closing my 2007, I’m with my new year’s resolutions clearly in my mind, and best wishes to my beloved ones and myself: Happy new year, and stay healthy, safe, happy, may all your dreams in 2008 come true~~~

I’m currently incapable of writing blog, emails, both in English and Chinese~this is an absolutely terrifying situation~God, I hope this could pass soon~

Wish everyone a happy new year in case that I still cannot write during the following two days~

Oh, I have to be clear and mark that I got this from the crappy job~God blesses me that I could get out of the hot water soon~I mean it~

There are some moments in people’s life that we’ll never let them fade away, like last X’mas Eve, we were happily sitting outside of Magic Kingdom, sending out our magic wishes to everyone on our phone list...and probably the sweet memory will hit us again and again at every X’mas Eve during the following years, and the valuable friendship, the happiness of the trip, the thought of dreams coming true will always keep fresh~

Also there are some moments we’ll probably just let them go because they are too meaningless to be remembered, like yesterday, and the day before yesterday...also the X’mas Eve, also the X’mas day, but I was physically in China, where the holiday doesn’t belong~although it’s true that we could see Santa and X’mas trees everywhere~it’s essentially different~I just stayed at home and went shopping with mom~like every single normal day~meanwhile, my boy told me his nice X’mas dinner with his family, and I could tell his great mood via the words~I understand that’s really really an important holiday in the western culture, similar to our Spring Festival~

Well, my point is that environment matters~I remember when I was able to be with my friends in the US, I was so excited about that holiday, but this year I even felt so bored~Ying once said the good thing is we are not trees without mobility, we are human beings and we have choices and we can move wherever we want, whenever we want, especially with the free education system, and the global trend...

So I made my decision months ago, like whom I want to be with, where I want to settle down, and what I’m going to do... it’s yesterday that I convinced myself again that I was correct about the decision, and I’ve been growing up and struggling to make my goals clear and to set myself in a free and desirable situation~~~I sort of made it, although it’s not that early, but it’s fine...I feel I’m right on the track~

2008 is at the door~I wish it could be a wonderful and rewarding year, for my parents, for all my dear friends, and of course for my boy and me~

I probably would not remember anything about this year’s X’mas, but I guess I’ll remember my post-X’mas thought about my future on the way of pursuing my happiness, in the cold dusty Beijing in winter of 2007,with struggles and also, confidence and hope...

Exactly one year ago from today, I was writing down my new year’s resolutions of 2007 here, with hopes in mind. In retrospect, I made 4 out of 10, which I couldn’t deny that was really a small step. Meanwhile, I appreciate the ’4’ a lot, because I did make my goal clear of being a student again, I did find my beloved one, with new dreams coming along...maybe I shouldn’t care if I could get a job in the US or not, if I could get my driver license or not, if I could go to the National Parks, or the National Cherry Blossom Festival or not, as with all the new dreams coming true, the old dreams would not be dreams anymore~Life has been great as I always tell my boy and myself, not matter it’s really good luck or just bad luck to give us more experiences to make our life complete~

At the turning point of 2007 to 2008, of course I should tightly hold my dreams as always, and those go to my New Year’s Resolutions of 2008~but I may not be too ambitious, so:

--My boy is coming to visit during the first month of 2008, I wish it could be a good sign that we are going to be with each other (for the rest of our life);

--My offer from BC could arrive on time around March, and that definitely would mean so much to us;

--I could get my student visa successfully around the end of May, oh, I guess going to the US Embassy for the second time would make me so excited;

--My boy could have an awesome Commencement in May, and he definitely deserves the best for my thinking;I’m so proud of him~~~

--We could make our summer trip in China in June;Nice time!

--I could have a good advisor, which I would company at least for the next five years;

--I could see gals and have fun with them sometime next year~oh, dear, I simply miss them too much!

--We are going to have a nice apartment in city B, only thinking about this can give me a smile on my face;

--I could meet Dan’s family during Thanksgiving, and I hope I won’t give it a miss next year;

--Last but not the lease, I wish my parents healthy, and my gals all the best around the world, they are always in my heart!

Well, I tried to keep the resolutions simple and short but real, for sure, I will need to work hard to make them come true, mentally and physically~also for sure, the feeling of trying to accomplish the dreams would be super!

Good luck, 2008!

这本该是英文抒情一篇，却无法在无情的办公室实现。只是在想念女伴们到掉泪的瞬间，有种写字的冲动。毕竟是母语，我想表达不会有大碍。

岁末，不知何时养成的习惯，开始喜欢回头看过去一日一日，一月一月的脚印，那种岁月也短也长的张力让人觉得成长的力量，而心生感激。感谢一路欢歌，也感谢一路荆棘。。。成长始终是美好～

也许，要从上一个阳光刺目的跨年旅行就开始。始终记得回城downtown轰然绚烂出现在眼前的一刹那，仿佛和南部动人阳光融为一体，让人去期待一个美好的07。可是东北部的城市，号称全年一半是冬，果不其然，2月14，号称“白色情人节”，为了和女伴们吃到韩式烧烤，我们在停车场铲冰40分钟。接下来依旧是大衣围巾手套一样都不能少地到了4月。天地之巨大，如何找到自己喜欢的那一片天空，也许可以成为一生的追寻。而当残酷的事实把通向寻找道路的桥梁也最终毁掉的时候，我有两种选择，要么停止寻找，要么重建桥梁。因为生命不息的教导深入内心，而毅然选择了后者，也意味着更多的艰难。于是5月，当春终于发生的时候，我又坐进了考场，心中念想的是再一个5年的学生生涯。夏季终归美好，而分别的事实却让我时时感伤。于是登机的日子终于临近的时候，尽管party一场又一场，分别的拥抱接二连三，心中的惆怅以及即将开始的辛苦悠悠心头，挥之不去。终于在北京城住下，终于挥汗三月，寄出所有材料。。。在和这个巨大的城市日日战斗的时候，想念太平洋那一边的他和她们成为我寻找力量的习惯～也许他和她们都会感觉得到吧，因为我们从来也没断了联系～

生活有如一场又一场的秀，蔓妙，于是刹那间我就换了时空，也聚也散，可我依旧在这个世界行走。。。看自己，当然也看大家～无论纽约上海，亲爱女友们说，每日都学到新东西，同事超级好和有趣，世界真奇妙～也从狮城听到声音说，我不快乐，谢谢你的礼物～还有P城我牵挂的她，一如既往地刻苦于学业，却也为爱神伤，让人放不下心～于是她们的悲喜也成全着我的悲喜。。。我只期盼，有一日，无论纽约中央公园，上海正大广场，北京南锣鼓巷，香港铜锣湾，新加坡乌节路，我们可以再共一桌，同饮一壶茶，共叙一段旧～

生命的延伸扩展大概还包括因为年初许下的那个小小心愿得以实现，他最终出现在我的生命里，并也随着时光延伸扩展，于是我有近一年每日数封英文email的写作训练，小到how’s your day, 大到deep life issues...于是我也收花收礼物，我也送书送卡片，于是我觉得世界根本无国界，沟通无极限，于是我也体尝那种期盼和倒数，也梦想着有一天可以牵手走B城～无论我的他的，仿佛都是我们的～

每一年生命里都会有很多故事，然而过去的3年却是让人真正觉察出丰富，不用想，一段段故事就会涌出的3年，人和事，都逐渐把生命开始往满里填，而07又仿佛更是一个峰顶，你来我往，喜的悲的，现在与将来，世界的东西南北，应接不暇的同时，感激这所有经历的同时，终于开始觉出生命这段旅程的奇妙～

2008 New Year’s Resolutions, to be continued...

I popped the "deep life issues" to my boy, so we had really long emails back and forth, which spent almost my whole afternoon~the process of making the statement to him got me clearer about what I am doing, what I am pursuing, what attitude I should have...which is great~I’m happy that our communication has been smooth...although we do have some long distance problems without fail, that’s the minor part~

I caught up with gals today too...who are also in the long distance situation...one told me she’s going to break up, and the other one told me she complains to her hubby everyday, and she’s resentful and unhappy...wow...long distance is terrifying~I’d never realized the fact until I myself started going through it~joy, tears, miscommunication ,fight...yes, it’s tough...but also I’d never realized that my boy and I are so strong to be going to make it until I myself started going through it~so I told him that I’m positive we are going to make it~I hope things could work out with my dear gals too~

BTW, Amy got my gifts~hmmm, I’m happy~

By retyping my blog here, I guess I need to calm down for the IE crashing problem, because this happens quite often, and there’s no way to keep complaining, just accept whatever...that could be one part of a life-lover’s attitude, but definitely not all~

Last Friday, the experience of taking the extremely crowded subway drove me crazy again,and I was about to complain on my MSN spaces, since I was not able to log in and meanwhile, I was hooked to Sex and the City again, I didn’t make it following by a busy shopping weekend with mom, ending up buying only a shoulder bag and some cute socks, and snacks(that’s all, spending two days hunting...)

Somehow I hadn’t forgotten about my complaint thing till I read xx and ww’s blogs, two upbeat girls, living in two of the most modern cities in the world, SH and NYC...no doubt as long as it’s a big city, crowds and terrible commute will go on and on everyday~but I could sense nothing from their words about those bad things~they enjoy their life so much, great colleagues, working environment, life experiences, learning new things day by day, various fun in the fancy cities~it couldn’t be more fabulous~I start convincing myself more that life is controllable and livable, depending on your living skills and your perspectives and expectations about it~they are absolutely life-lovers~with passion, curiosity, desire, goals, all of which could widen their worlds and put them in the exploration of themselves, the infinite potential of growing (according to xx)...which is quite true...I rarely bumped into the circulation, but I did have that kind of feeling for a couple of times, which was super~

Being not much a life-lover essentially, I am away from the good circulation most of the time~and that makes me feel so bad, but I could not easily drag myself out from the down emotion either without being stirred up...So, Beijing is a big city too (well, not as good as Shanghai for sure...), and there’s so much fun I could have here, and there are so many great people I can meet up with here, but I didn’t, and I just felt life was so boring... and I kept complaining...how about all the nice parks during four seasons, how about all the historic sites...how about all the culture events, movies, dramas, and how about friends...well, as a girl, how about shopping~of course I would feel bored with doing nothing...the point is not how boring the city is, and it’s about how boring I am...

So I guess I should appreciate every single experience of mine...no matter where I am, and no matter what I am doing...experiences rock~smart people know how to transfer bad experiences into valuable things~and that kind of things could make our life complete~

It’s true I’m suffering this city, but for sure I am touching this city too, how many people can have the experience of touching this ancient city~I guess I’ve already been lucky~

So what it takes to be a life-lover~for my thinking, it doesn’t mean those life-lovers are living a better life than the other people, or they are luckier than the other people (slightly true though...)~it’s just because of their attitude and beliefs about the beautiful world, and their willingness to focusing on the bright side of it~I guess I’m having much more to learn during the rest of my life, which I should appreciate too on the way of being a life-lover...

Since last year, I’ve been a huge fan of abc shows, Desperate Housewives, Grey’s Anatomy, and finally Brothers and Sisters...at the moment I almost convinced myself that the first two were not attractive to me anymore, they were turning to be...really breathtaking~Last night, the tornado’s episode of DH gave me the sense about how fragile a life could be, facing the nature power...tonight’s episode of Grey’s Anatomy actually showed me again that we really need to cherish what we are having now~there are so many unexpected factors that could take your life away~anytime~

My baby is upset/sad/depressed again just because he thought it’s unfair that we are separated now, I really need to recommend the shows to him, to let him know life has been great for us, we are safe, we are healthy, and we are lucky most of the time~the long distance is not that bad because we seem to love each other more and more~

Somehow I am still looking forward to Brothers and Sisters~the beautiful wedding ceremony episode with another great story to tell~

I love abc shows~

BTW, the chief turned to be nice today that he agreed my two-week leave in January...I am sooooo excited~

My period is actually pretty pretty on time now, which is great for my health...somehow no girl would like it~which tortures me periodically...

My day was boring in the office, but I felt extremely tired, and even could collapse in the subway~so I am going to bed now...hope would have some thoughts tomorrow to be blogging~

I have no idea since when I lost my feeling of writing, or my tender heart to sense the world’s subtle changes...literally, I was addicted to come here, everyday, but now even I have tons of time, I don’t feel like coming~which is awful~I enjoyed a lot tracking what happened last year at the same time, to testify my progress that I have been making, but what should I do next year if I could track nothing due to the writing gap~life only presents beautifully to the people who love it~does that mean I am currently not a life-lover?Being lazy is not a wise excuse to stop blogging~

I knew Jessica two years ago, when she also worked for Prof., she’s a typical American teenager, well, she’s turning to be 20 pretty soon a week later~but anyway, she’s typical, happy, positive, straight, a little bit crazy, and she’s girlish, too, who loves cupcakes, hot chocolate, whatever as long as it’s sweet~I simply love her facebook, and always can learn something about American teenagers there, her crazy but sincere girlfriends, their great friendship...so for my thinking, there are so-called cultural gaps, but we are sharing the same world being human beings~

My sweet called me today, and he sounded pretty tired after some bad sleeps~there are 41 days to go before I see him in the Beijing Capital International Airport~for sure both of us would be emotional, and another thing for sure is that we hope the 41-day gap could be filled as soon as possible~

日子终于摇曳进了十二月，大概没有人比我更期待明年的到来。。。也许奥组委的人巴不得过上两年甚至更长才08呢～这个十二月我要如何度过呢，31天，每天24小时，大部分时间要花在无聊的路上和办公室，不过余下的，我应该让它精彩～07开篇其实是美好的旅行，许下的很多小小心愿也终于得偿，所以结束也理应要美丽一些～周五下班赶去见朋友的路上，想顺手带两个十字绣，没想到朋友竟然善解人意地帮我挑选并付了钱，于是我便有了两个小天使图案的抱枕套，希望我不要太愚钝，能很快让色彩丰富艳丽的丝线变成美丽的天使图案。。。我想，十二月，主题是针织。。。时光也就在针起针落的琐碎中流走了吧～

和朋友在有名的新疆办事处吃羊肉串，我第一次去，她是回民，是老顾客。。。大盘鸡和民族家庭炒饭都十分美味，我真想今天还有得吃，然后见到了她老公，我没说，可是看上去，为人父以后他明显比以前苍老很多，感慨活着多么不易，尤其是在资源稀缺却人口众多的国家～见到她家一岁零八个月的宝宝，很聪明很安静的小姑娘，妈妈已经给她预备了钢琴一架，以后一定也是个多才多艺的好姑娘吧，祝福他们全家～

忍不住还是看了发过来的感恩节照片，忍不住还是眼圈红了，天青色等烟雨而我在等你，炊烟袅袅升起隔江千万里。。。

我等你。。。