格桑花

纤写表弟出国读书，我心有戚戚，竟然快要落泪。。。周末就要见到表哥，想起十几年前的老旧时光，又是不舍和难过，可是不舍又怎样，难过又怎样，总还是春风吹又去，岁岁年年人不同。据说以前头发乌黑浓密的表哥，如今因为日日勤奋在实验室，都快秃顶了，我有些愕然。。。而那个从小和我打架吵架的小表弟，在那个时尚的风之城快乐做研究，时不时给我email鼓励加祝福。小表妹们曾经是那么亲密，我们办家家酒，一起玩玩具，如今个个都是漂亮女孩子，却竟然有些陌生和无语。很多事情都会改变，而我却一定要为此感伤，这个大概永远不会变。。。...

Yesterday we had sort of a long distance fight, he felt he was insulted, but I don't think so...

So I'm not going to apologize, it's not my fault...

Being realistic is not wrong at all...that's life, when it comes to trivias, noth...

I'm exhausted every single day~ but July hasn't been over yet...for the very first time I feel that time doesn't fly~~~I look forward to the day of saying farewell to this damn office, to the damn person I hate...I must be thinking about it too much, t...

大暑之后，北京一直骄阳，热得昏天黑地。。。坐在车里，看到各种各样的横幅标语logo还有志愿者，很想统统拍下，传个专辑。或者太不热爱生活，又总是忘了带相机，而车也开得太快，成了完全实现不了的愿望。

友邦的中年妇女死缠烂打非要和我见面推销他们的产品，无论如何我都推脱不了，又或者是我太软弱，不知道怎么严厉拒绝。跟D说，it's small but annoying...D却说，it's annoying but small...男人和女人。。。好吧，我承认，我太计较。。。
...

I woke up with a smile this morning, dreaming that my file was touched, for twice...suddenly I was anxious again...the reality is my file hasn't been touched for almost a month...and the review process is kinda slow...I believe our situation is ve...

Yes, I finally made it!!! Two months after it's released~~I would say, it's awesome!!! And I have decided to watch it again, or maybe again and again and again...compared to the complicated relationships in the tv show, the movie is quite a simple stor...

回来的日子一直觉得心很苦，而并非生活之苦。在遥远的国度，有些拮据的时候，内心却总是温暖，感动总是汹涌。。。一座污染的城市，其实我并不太畏惧，我害怕的是人心的冷漠，人情的淡薄，我无论如何也不能让自己掉入那样的深渊，我害怕的是一旦我进去，就再也没有阶梯让我爬出来。我使尽全身力气，为的只是保持住自己的平衡，等有朝一日，那扇大门重启，我可以满怀期待地走进去，从此不再回来。

这城市是热闹的，欢迎着世界人民，而内心却是寂寞，布满着愁苦。想着从小到大的种种经历，只觉得自己真是个苦孩子。而苦孩...

You may know I was really worried about D's apt hunting on Friday, and both of us kinda could not fall asleep...suddenly on Saturday, he told me something magical happened, and he's out of woods...of course, me too...

Great location, fair pr...

If I never worried about money, I guess I'm doing it right now...it's not for myself, I have a kinda decent job and I can pay myself...but in another city, he's facing such a situation, and I couldn't help tearing...why is life so tough...and when can ...

周末艳阳高照，我懒得哪里都不想去，于是在visajourney的论坛上消磨了一下午，看到很多和自己一样时而焦急时而耐心等待的人们，just at that moment, I felt like, dear god, I actually belong to this group, and I'm not alone.

转眼已是回国的第十一个月，一年太匆匆，回首竟然全部是等待。从最开始全心地想要返回学校，到如今，我再没上学的心，可我依旧在等待，不过是内容有了些许变化，幸福竟然是...

The bleeding right after my period scared me a lot, and to be honest, I was in a panic...really, really...

The long email and then no email from D scared me too, come on, when can our long distance be over? Haven't we suffered enough?
...

其实此刻脑子还是晕晕的，每次打车一定会是这样的结果。很多时候，明知道结果也不得不做，是无奈。。。我并不抱怨眼下的生活，因为即便是环境如此地恶劣，内心如此地寂寞，光明和幸福是看得见的。我只想咬咬牙，把能扛的都扛下来，更何况，我并不是情况最糟糕的那个，多少人比我苦，比我难过，人家也都在过。而我却是幸福地有人疼有人爱，有钱花。。。

我只是有些恨自己的慵懒，却生生因为每天commute的艰辛，弄得回家一动也不想动。而没有朋友的日子，就是与世隔绝，呼吸困难，神经怎么都无法兴奋。...

Temple of Heaven, Beijing, China

June 4, 2008

Dan proposed to me and passed me the engagement ring from his great-grandmother.

I said"Yes, yes"...

We both believe that we made a right desicion ...

I haven't been here for two days, then everything changed,and it took me a while to get used to the new setting...

I know I'm not patient enough with my visa application, but meanwhile I am telling myself that I have to, and I just have to...finally good things will come after trying hard and waiting patiently...

We will make it!

I had dinner with my mom and Hanhan at Pizza Hut yesterday to celebrate mom's birthday, the food was ok there, but the service was kinda disappointing, thinking that's supposed to be a decent restaurant, well, in China...so it seems I always have something to complain about, and I definitely know that's a bad attitude, somehow I couldn't help...when can life be satisfactory? I know it's not about the restaurant, because I may have tried worse ones in the US, it's just about where you are, and who you are with. Of course I'm happy being with my mom, but yeah, I'm having my significant other, and I want to be with him, simple like that...also I have bunch of friends, and I want to catch up with them in person, hang out with them, laugh with them...it's not an ambitious dream, and it's even not a dream....it's so real, yet I couldn't reach, no matter how hard I try!!!

Time counts...so I will wait and wait and wait, and something new will appear!!!

 

I still have thousands of reasons to hate my current life...but I have to bear, and I just have to...take the life as it is...maybe it’s the last chance that I could spend days and nights with my mom in China, or maybe it’s the last chance that I could enjoy the convenience of having delicious food in China...or, maybe it’s my country, and I won’t feel any discrimination, although I believe in the liberal country, things would be ok...I guess I still feel more confident here.

Office life is not good/decent enough, and the weather has been ugly...so I guess I have to find some fun by myself!!!